back to dedications

We often walk blindly through life, unaware of life in its pure and unencumbered form, unaware of life as a union with ourselves and each other.

In September 2001, at the introspective age of seventeen, I was diagnosed with cancer following the surgical removal of what was anticipated to be a benign tumour in my left ovary, and immediately underwent intense chemotherapy treatment. There were moments in between diagnosis wherein I knew, through the familiarity of my body and the essence of life within, that something was not as it should be. These moments are void of description, deserving of something far beyond the availability of words; a state of being not dispensable through any human language except that of feeling, of an inner substance that awakens one to life and to oneself as a piece of the grand puzzle. Through the nature of this feeling that I was unable to identify, but of which I was intensely aware, I felt the presence of the cancer within me, which was later validated by blood tests and an official diagnosis. It is precisely this awareness that instilled into my being an intrinsic sense of survival. I confronted my illness with a positive attitude and the vision that I would defeat the cancer within my body and reclaim the life that it was so viciously trying to diminish. I embraced life with a willingness to live and implemented into my indefatigable desire to prevail, the strength that would enable my endurance, despite the overwhelming physical and emotional exhaustion.

Despite the honour my loved ones have attempted to bestow upon me, I maintain with all sincerity that I am not a hero. I am one individual, one mere aspect of some greater whole, one young woman who has happened to have won her battle. The value of my survival and endurance can perhaps be measured in terms of all those who have had no choice but to succumb to the evil relishes of cancer, despite often extraordinary willpower, and of those who continue to struggle. My strength is their strength, your strength, all strength -- and the fight is never over.

Cancer is predominantly about life, not death, as one might suppose. Cancer is about the ability to transcend a negative attack on life and to extract from it something rich in life, something life-enhancing, which is then revealed for others to see, to understand, and to absorb, most commonly in the form of inspiration and motivation. Those living with cancer are receivers -- they perceive some profound aspect of life to which others are not often exposed and they present and convey it in such a way that it can be effectively shared. Even when a life is taken by cancer, loved ones are able to extract some sense of purpose from the life lived, ultimately revealing some aspect of the greater essence of life. Through my experience with cancer, I have been able to captivate and inspire others to look into themselves, with the message that life should involve passion and that it should be implemented into all aspects of one's life, whereby I have given them insight and helped them see truths about life. This ability to pierce depths and awaken one to the nature of life and to oneself is the magic of cancer. Undeniably, it should not take such an evasive attack on human life, or the tragedy with which cancer is associated, to instill in us recognition of the fragility of life and its incredible worth, but it does. It has become conventional in modern life to ignore our human nature, our human ability to feel, and our human connection with each other and the entirety of life. Accordingly, we have broken our connection with each other and have lost sight of what truly matters, of existence, of both love and life; we blindly walk and are so very numb that we are unable to feel ourselves falling. It is in this sense that cancer lifts us up, relentlessly reminding us that the only value in life is human value, the value of ourselves, each other, and our union with life, ultimately showing us how to embrace life and to discover, for ourselves, those things that truly matter. Cancer, both within us and without us, has the uncanny ability to both heighten and deepen our awareness of life and provides us with unobstructed clarity to see into ourselves.

"There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the infinite passion of life."

-- Sara Kowalski